


The Last Will and Testament ... of a Thesaurus

by Quefish



Series: When an Angel and a Demon Get Silly [26]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Abuse of Ridiculous Words, Alternate Universe - Human, Challenge Accepted, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Established Relationship, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), M/M, Mystery, prompt fills, silliness, thesaurus abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 11:20:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29900313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quefish/pseuds/Quefish
Summary: Aziraphale is the sole beneficiary of two things. A little black book, and a not insignificant amount of money.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: When an Angel and a Demon Get Silly [26]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1644778
Comments: 26
Kudos: 54





	The Last Will and Testament ... of a Thesaurus

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CandyQueenAO3](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CandyQueenAO3/gifts).



“I’m afraid I am a bit flabbergasted. What exactly do you mean?” 

Aziraphale was sat in an office going over a last Will and Testament of a relative he’d never heard of. Apparently he was the sole beneficiary of the estate.

“I mean, Mr Fell, that if you would just sign here, we can get down to the business of discussing the details of your inheritance.” Ms Michael W Wings was trying to be patient, but her frustration must have been showing because finally the fussy man took the pen to the document. She sighed. “Finally. Now, I know we’ve gone over this but I need to officially verify again now that you’ve signed.”

Aziraphale went through the woman’s hoops again, showing identification, confirming he was who he said he was. “I don’t understand all the brouhaha, I can’t imagine someone I’ve never met or even heard of would be leaving me anything that would justify all your legal gobbledygook.”

“I understand your reticence Mr Fell, but it is my job to deal with all these persnickety details. And I think you’ll find that the estate is more considerable than you are assuming.”

It was then he was advised that all of the physical assets, books, furniture, clothing and whatnot, had been instructed to be donated to various businesses. The relative had lived in a modest flat and had no properties, or even an automobile. There was one item that had not been donated, instead being bequeathed to Aziraphale. 

“Why on earth would this relative have given me a little black book. I know what sort of shenanigans one gets up to with a little black book.” Aziraphale was looking at it with no small amount of suspicion.

“I’m sure I’ve no idea. I haven’t opened it, that’s not my job.” The solicitor shuffled more papers as Aziraphale continued to stare at the book. “There is also the matter of the £20,000. Do you prefer a direct deposit to your accounts or-

“Poppycock.” Aziraphale was laughing, discombobulated. “You don’t expect me to believe such malarky. What sort of nincompoop would … £20,000 indeed. It’s preposterous. What do I need to do to receive it then? Hand over my account numbers? Donate it all to some questionable charity? Kill someone? This is utter balderdash!”

“Mr Fell. I assure you that no one is attempting to bamboozle you, least of all me. I’d lose my job, and I happen to like it very much. Now, I can also procure a cashier’s cheque, which is certified and guaranteed, with no need for you to give any of your bank details.” All told, Ms Wings was doing an exceptional job at not losing her temper at the flummoxed man. 

Aziraphale calmed a bit, rather embarrassed at his behaviour. “Of course, my apologies Ms Wings. I will accept a cashier’s cheque.”

“Wonderful, if you’d wait here, I’ll send my assistant to the bank now.” Ms Wings left the room.

Aziraphale looked around the room, seeing all manner of books and doodads. Some of them looked like brain puzzle doohickeys, or ancient tool replications. He stood and moved closer to the shelves to get a better look at one such item, startling when Ms Wings returned. “Oh, my apologies, I was just admiring your, erm, thingamajig here.”

“Not a problem, Mr Fell. If they weren’t for looking at, I’d not be displaying them.”

They sat quietly, Aziraphale steadfastly ignoring the black book and Ms Wings trying not to show her burning curiosity about its contents. The assistant returned and Aziraphale signed for the cheque.

“Well, I mustn’t lollygag, much to do of course.” Aziraphale stood and shook Ms Wings’ hand before attempting to leave, but she called him back. 

“Aren’t you forgetting something?” She was holding the little black book.

“Ah, yes, of course. Forget my own head next! Well, really must be skedaddling along.” He took the book and left, post haste. He made a quick stop at the bank to make his deposit and then headed home.

~~

Aziraphale walked in the door to his husband’s fancy Mayfair flat, still rather gobsmacked. He sniffed the air and realized how nervous his husband must have been if he was baking pumpernickel, that was a finicky recipe. 

“I’m home, darling!” He walked through to find his husband sitting nervously, his leg bouncing. 

“I was worried. Baked you some bread. Figured we could go to the deli later and pick you up some of that … whatchamacallit you like so much.” Crowley was still nervous.

“That sounds lovely. And I am sorry for having left you on tenterhooks for so long. The solicitor was fine, it was me who slowed that process. But then there was a kerfuffle at the bank when the whippersnapper at the counter refused to process my transaction properly. A member of management eventually relieved her and I was able to complete my business.” Aziraphale sat on the sofa, exhausted. 

He looked down at the coffee table, and then peered around the room. Crowley must have been very stressed. The usual state of cattywampus was completely absent. Books straightened and put away, the room had been dusted, swept, vacuumed, and set completely to rights. He felt terrible that the flibbertigibbet at the bank had wasted so much of his time that Crowley had had enough time to stress clean so thoroughly. 

“Right, so tell me about the … whatever the solicitor wanted.” Crowley leaned back, the very picture of false nonchalance.

Aziraphale went over the happenings at the office, ending with his trip to the bank. “I would have said it was utter codswallop if not for the fact that the cheque went through and is now sitting in our account.”

“Serious? You’ve got £20,000 in the bank?”

“ _We’ve_ got £20,000 in the bank, yes.” Aziraphale corrected him. 

“Gosh.” Crowley sat back, blinking in disbelief for a moment. “What about the other whatsit? Black book.”

“I haven’t even opened it yet. Every programme on the telly knows what a little black book is for.”

“That’s fake, this is real life. What kind of dingleberry would actually have a little black book in real life?”

“Someone who can’t keep track of who they are canoodling with, I’d wager.”

“Never know until you know.” Crowley leaned forward in anticipation as Aziraphale picked up the book from where he’d tossed it on the table.

“I suppose … that is true …” There was special tape wrapping it, signed by the unknown relative, to ensure it hadn’t been opened or tampered with. He reached out, taking the small knife that Crowley had taken out of his pocket, and then sliced the tape. “Well, moment of truth.”

He opened the book, reading the inscription on the first page.

_“Dear Aziraphale,_

_You don’t know me, but I know enough about you. Inside these pages are riddles. Riddles whose answers will lead you to amazing places with lucrative prizes should you make it there. There’s hundreds of thousands of pounds, or more, to be found if you are so inclined. If not, I do hope your husband can convince you._

_Happy hunting!”_

Aziraphale and Crowley looked at each other in shock. 

“Did that say hundreds of thousands … _or more_?” 

“It did.” Aziraphale blinked before a smile spread across his face. “Well, darling, do you feel up for an adventure?” 

Crowley laughed. “You bet I am, let’s do it!” 

Aziraphale turned the page with a smile. 

**Author's Note:**

> This was born of two prompts:
> 
> 1\. Create a fiction about someone who unexpectedly comes into a large sum of money, involving a little black book.
> 
> 2\. A meme of 28 ridiculous words, with a challenge to use them all in a single fic. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed, please leave a comment! :)
> 
> You can also find me here:  
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Quefish77)  
> [Tumblr](https://quefish77.tumblr.com/)


End file.
